Tonight was the prayer vigil for my mom and I would like to wholeheartedly thank all those that prayed for her. Kyle, Chuck, and I have spent the evening praying over her, loving on her, and singing to her. Just cherishing every minute. I know I haven't been posting on my blog much about mom, but that is because she is a pretty private person and preferred me not to. Tonight, however, feels like the time to share my thoughts on her cancer.
In Beth Moore's study on Daniel, she presents three different answers to walking through the fire:
fire.
- Scenario A: We can be delivered from the fire. Dividend? Our faith is built.
- Scenario B: We can be delivered through the fire. Dividend? Our faith is refined.
- Scenario C: We can be delivered by the fire into His arms. Dividend? Our faith is perfected.
I know that, in direct answer to our prayers, God can reach down and immediately heal my mom. All glory would go to him, and He is more than able. I believe that with everything that I have. Two weeks ago, a family member and I agreed to pray specifically for disclosure. A prognosis from the doctors, information from my mom, we really wanted a clear answer and everyone on the same page. Just a few days later, our prayer was answered. Information came. I feel a peace about having received an answer and I believe that this time, God's answer is that my dear mom is going to have her faith perfected. She is terminal. I do not believe it will last very long. In fact, having witnessed my dad's decline in health with a 10 month long battle with pancreas cancer, I am absolutely comfortable praying that it won't be long. I don't want her to go!!! I cannot fathom a life without my mama. But how selfish of me to want her suffering to be prolonged so that I can get used to the idea!
If I am completely honest, I admit that I wasn't very worried about this in the beginning. Concerned, yes. I felt like she was in for a tough battle. But Satan is wily. I am sometimes tricked into thinking I am safe because of what has already happened in my life. As if tragedy is a vaccine! "Got your tragedy shot?" "Check! I'm done." How foolish. But while I sometimes get caught off guard, I know that God is sovereign. His ways are not our ways. Where was I when He laid the foundations of the earth? I know He has a plan. I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. My mom is looking forward to seeing my dad. To seeing my son. But it is so hard to let her go.
In some ways, it is truly a blessing to have lost someone before this because I
know. I know God will carry me through. I know I won't become a bitter person; I will have joy again. That I can rejoice even in this.
4 comments:
Beautiful words, Kim. Thank you so much for sharing them with all of us. I am praying OUT LOUD many times a day. I am praying for your precious mother, but also for each of children and grandchildren by name. We love you.
I appreciate your words. Well said. I feel like yall know far too much about "the fire". The porters are keeping us posted We are praying for your mom and your whole family. May GODs presence be strong, unmistakeable, and comforting.
Kim, you have such a beautiful testimony. I hope you will tell your mom how much I have admired her and you in my life. She did a wonderful job raising faithful children and that isn't easy.
I hope your hurt and hers will heal quickly...
I did the Daniel study about 4 years ago and have re-done it in the meantime. I really learn so much for a Beth Moore and her history and background she offers with her work. This "fire" analogy has meant so much to me and my life since it was taught to me. I am thankful for Christian women who can share God's work in their lives.
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